I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
