you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
