I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
