He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We just shotgunned beers for America
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
