You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
