Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
