as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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