what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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