So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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