Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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