Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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