omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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