I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
