He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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