Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
