forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
