the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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