so explain again why im purple
no
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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