I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
