my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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