I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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