after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
