listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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