..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
