I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
