Can i not drive my cunt home
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
