Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
