hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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