This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
