Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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