I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
