he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
