Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
