So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
