Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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