im six kinds of drunk right now
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
