Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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