is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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