I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
