You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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