why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
