i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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