Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
