youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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