she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
smell my finger.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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