My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
