Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
