Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
