Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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