the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
